I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I think you already know this. You feel this man could be the love of your life, and you’ve chosen to begin a relationship with him.
What you can do is honor your long-standing friendship by being honest with her about what is happening, and own the fact you know you have hurt her.
Let her know you are sorry she is hurting, and allow her to react however she chooses to. I think you show wisdom in recognizing how you would feel were the situation reversed. Your friend may have a hard time being around you or seeing the two of you together. Mutual friends may weigh in on both sides of the issue.
There will be no shortage of people with opinions and judgment.
But I never told my bestie that we were spending time together, let alone that we were growing close.
My best friend and I have been besties since the fourth grade. She was with this guy for four years, up until early May of this year, when he suddenly decided to break up with her. I started hanging out with him about two weeks later, at first thinking I was just being someone to talk to.
Well, me and this guy started sleeping together about two weeks ago and we're crazy about each other. My feeling is that she would be very hurt, but at the same time I don't want to pass up a chance to be with someone who could turn out to be the love of my life, you know?So a part of me wants to tell her in the hopes that she would be happy for me, but when I put myself in her shoes hearing this news, I think I'd be devastated.I'm torn between my own desire for lasting relationship bliss and my desire to preserve the most important friendship in my life. —Something Has to Give Submit Your Own Question to a Therapist Your friend is going to be hurt. When you made the choice to start hanging out with your best friend’s ex without telling her, that’s when you made the decision to hide your actions, and possibly your feelings, from her.On some level you must have known that she would be bothered by it, and you chose not to tell her.I don’t say this to judge or to blame, but I think it is important to be clear about what has been happening.She will very likely be devastated and feel betrayed by her best friend and by the man she thought she had a lasting future with.