I'm glad that somehow I made the decision to stay with the man who is now my husband.That took a lot of courage, since it meant trusting my own judgment and living with the whole host of anxiety-provoking questions, with no support for dealing with my OCD.Saying yes to any of these questions may suggest you have commitment issues.
People with commitment issues may also be hypercritical of others as a way to avoid intimacy.
I will help you evaluate what type of relationship you want and create a safe place to explore relationship needs.
Through exploration you will increase your understanding of conflicting motives regarding commitment.
My 21st anniversary of being with my husband is coming up.
I remember our 3rd anniversary, as we sat on the floor of my dorm room, and I struggled to tell him my fears.
I had just gone to a presentation by a "feminists against pornography" group, with a slide show of violent images found in magazines, and the images were stuck in my head. It's hard enough to have these questions as a 20 year old, in any context, but in the context of OCD, I felt crazy. You are so tense when he touches you, obviously this is a sign that you need to be with a woman. What if you stay with him, but you are actually a lesbian and you will lose any chance of happiness?
I felt a claustrophobic dread that I would always be trapped by these images, a barrier between me and living my life with any peace or joy. My first date with this man was to hear a feminist folksinger. So many horrible things have been done to women by men. So, there I sat on the floor, on my anniversary barely able to speak, crying, and my love thought I was breaking up with him.
I had been reading a book on women's friendships, and combined with the scary things I had just seen, my OCD went into overdrive trying to figure out if it was safe to be in a relationship with a man, whether I was making a mistake, showing extremely poor judgement. I had never met anyone who listened to me like this man did, and took my thoughts seriously. But my OCD wanted absolute certainty that he wouldn't become a monster. If you stay with this man, you are betraying your gender. This was the essence of OCD--I didn't want to break up with him. She knew she was anxious, but assumed that was a sign of her own defectiveness.
As my anniversary approached, the obsessing intensified, and permeated all my thoughts and feelings. My best guess would've been that no, this was unlikely, but the OCD whittled away at this knowledge, kept demanding I figure things out. I just wanted the anxiety and intrusive thoughts and endless exhausting dialogues in my head to go away, and to know for sure I wasn't making a mistake. She didn't know that OCD attacks what we hold dearest, what cuts right to the core of our identity and self.
She didn't know that if you constantly check to see if you are feeling anything, you will mostly feel anxiety and fear.
She didn't know that some things are incomprehensible, like the violent acts done to some women by some men.