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It’s hot when a dude, for some reason, knows about wine. Put away your smelly boxing gloves, your dirty shorts, and the cheese that’s crushed into your counter from two weeks ago when you and your boys went out drinking until five o’clock in the morning. If you’re having a girl over the house for the first time, make sure your toilet is clean, not disgusting.

My dad’s like, "I don’t like rap music," and the guy’s like, "No, but your daughter looks like she likes rap music." And he’s like, "That is true.

That’s one hundred percent true." So that ’s a pickup line that’s going to work. Jessimae: The problem is, women are a little bit more poetic with their words, I think, and men are just a little bit more black and white.

Women will be like, "Ooh, I can’t wait for you to come over later.

What women want: "Don’t be an asshole and wash your asshole." It’s that simple! We’ll let Carly Aquilino and Jessimae Peluso fill you in on the rest.

We tapped the two comediennes—performing together on Saturday as part of the New York Comedy Festival a.k.a.

five days worth of the biggest comedy names taking stages all over the city—to lend us their funny for a good cause: your dating life.

Here’s their advice for Carly Aquilino: The pickup line that works is, like, when guys are just nice and giving you compliments.

When they’re like, "Hi, your hair looks good today." "Hi, I like those shoes." But then they also might be gay, but—it doesn’t matter. Because when you try, you end up looking like a fool, and we both feel awkward, and now I have to tell you to walk away.

I’m keeping the cocktail that you bought me, but you need to walk away.

Jessimae: If there are accessories in your cocktail, I’m probably going to walk away.

If there’s just like a fruit arrangement, an edible arrangement, outside your cocktail, I’m just going to walk away.