Oral equality: I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and we enjoy a great sex life.
He mentioned recently that he has accepted the fact that “I just don’t do” that particular act for him and that he’s OK with it because it’s harder for me to achieve orgasm than him and he prefers sex to oral sex.Still, I can’t help but feel guilty and that this is something I should force myself to be doing for him since he does it for me so often.Is there some kind of unspoken equality when it comes to oral sex?Should I feel obligated to do something in bed that I don’t enjoy to make things “equal” between us in this area?A: Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!
You have, however, what sounds like a legitimate, lifelong difficulty with performing it; you’re not trying to get out of pleasing your partner because you’re uninterested or indifferent.
You two have discussed this issue and come to a mutually agreed-upon compromise, which is a great start.
As long as you don’t think he’s just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he’s still very satisfied with your sex life. If this is something you’d truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). : My boyfriend of three years doesn’t include me in any plans with his close-knit Italian family.
You have more options than “no blow jobs, ever” and “regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting.” Good luck! Enough potlucks already: I’ve always brought something when invited to somebody’s home, but these days, every party or dinner I go to seems to require me to make and bring something, and it’s usually something expensive and complicated. Is there a polite way to say, “If you want to entertain, make your own damned food? In general, I don’t expect a great deal of contact with his family, but I do feel excluded when I’m not invited by him to major family events and holidays.
I’ll get invitations to drinks from people I barely know, and they’ll say “BYOB” or “bring a good Malbec” and include a link to a Food Network recipe. I’ve told him I’d like to be included in holidays, as it is important to me.
And then you get there and nobody eats anything because there’s too much food. His response: He loves me and I’m a priority, but he doesn’t want to have to answer difficult questions from his “nosy family members” about what is going on with our relationship.