My friend Olivia is someone I thought I knew and understood.
She is a 30-year-old professional with a solid career and a tastefully appointed apartment. But I recently learned that Olivia has an unusual thirst.
I do not mean the thirst of dehydration in our increasingly inhospitable landscapes under the reign of global warming; I mean a more unquenchable desire.
Indeed, longing for skater boys has swept through parts of our nation at a formidable pace.It is a craving that is not easily extinguished nor easily cured.It seems that when skaters are not grinding and sliding on their decks, they are grinding and sliding with their dicks.And though dreamy-eyed teen girls would presumably be most vulnerable to the wiles of these foxes on four wheels, it is perhaps adult women who have found themselves most besotted with the enchanting ragamuffins ollieing their way into our grown-ass hearts.I was first made aware of the skater-as-adult-lust-object when Olivia found herself romantically and sexually entangled with not one but two skaters.
I was skeptical of the second dalliance because the skater in question was quite a bit younger.
But when she shared photos of an angelic 22-year-old with golden-blond hair hanging just past his shoulders and an enviably even tan, I could not deny it: He was a stone fox.
“I want you to know that I think you’re a megababe,” he had whispered to Olivia after the first time they had sex.
On that same night, he and his friends were kicked out of a hotel room for being too rowdy and resolved not to find a new hotel but to sleep in truck beds in the parking lot like a regular gang of vagabonds. I learned that skater lust was more than the anomalous predilection of a rogue pervert friend when my friend Rachel told the tale of picking up a young skate enthusiast at a.m.
She found him on the street, where he and his one true love, a skateboard, were plying their trade on four wheels as dawn approached.
Rachel is 30 but is frequently mistaken for a teen, so it was no surprise when she reported primarily attracting art-school girls and skater boys from the Lower East Side lately.