In my article on why guys suddenly lose interest, I discussed how caring too much or stressing over your relationship can irreparably damage it. When you eliminate the care (or worry or stress or whatever you want to call it), you are free to really be in the relationship. Realize stressing gets you nowhere First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever.
The article sparked an avalanche of e-mails and comments from women who were feeling panicked over the state of their relationship. You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely – no strategy, no game-playing, no manipulation. You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that. How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells? It causes problems within the relationship, and more importantly, it takes a huge toll on your sense of self and self-esteem.
Most understood the point I was making in the article, but rather than relaxing and just going with the flow, they wanted to know: “How can I fix it if I was stressing too much? When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome.
This is But I realized that identifying the problem is only half the battle.
You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way. I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships. Things started out fun and light, I got excited about the possibilities…and then became scared that my imagined future wouldn’t come to be…and then panic set in.
From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable.
Every interaction and conversation became a test to see exactly where he stood and how he felt.
Anyone who has dated long enough knows exactly what I’m talking about.
The problem is our minds trick us into believing there is some sort of payoff to this type of thinking.Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure.QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Sabotaging Your Relationship? See a relationship for what it is Let’s talk about what a relationship is and isn’t. A relationship isn’t a measure of your worth or worthiness in this world.It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem.It is not there to make you feel good about life and about yourself.This isn’t to say a relationship can’t do these things, it’s just that these aren’t the elements upon which a healthy relationship is built. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared.